Love & Amathongo (Part2)

There are infinite reasons why relationships break up. Incompatibility. Mistrust. Anger. Infidelity. Fear of ‘abantu bazothini’ and others’ expectations. Abuse, manipulation and the inability to uphold the pretence anymore is of course top of the list, and I’m talking about physical, emotional and spiritual abuse. Contrary to popular belief, bad juju and hexing is really not top of the list. Not everyone is out to get you. Most of the time we are the problem in our own relationships.

Humans are on a constant cycle of great amnesia – the inability to learn from our parents mistakes. Parents who adhered to hegemonic institutionalized love systems not wanting to approach love from a very different angle, and by a different angle I mean being proactive to ensure that when we enter into love contracts, we have our spiritual bases covered, to avoid unnecessary heartaches.

Everyday I receive hundreds of communication regarding love and relationships. Some of the prominent questions around this subject is
– Why do my relationships fail
– How to heal a broken heart.
– How do I remove the ex from my dreams, heck I want to move on!
– How to move on from a divorce and feelings of sheer loss and oblivion of life as you’d known it in decades of marriage.

Healing is a big topic in the spiritscape

Look, there is no singular method. We heal differently, but what I can advise is this…

1. BREAK SOUL TIES /HLUKANA NGOKOMOYA

Report the state of the natter to the powers that be, oGogo noMkhulu.
Go to emsamo if uyindoda or a veld or mountain if ungunkosikazi to tell abadala you are planning to divorce, even when you have already done so. Ask all spirits, yours and those of your partners bloodline, to break the bond themselves first, so that it is easier with you guys in the physical realm. In African spirituality we believe that when two people fall in love, it is because a grandfather and grandmother spirit from each of your bloodlines has fallen in love with your partners guide. Meaning they like what they see hence can allow their children to date. Ikho uzwa insizwa ithi “dudlu Ntombi. Okhokho bathi bayakudinga ekhaya!”

Women always ask me why should they go to a mountain and not go to their marital umsamo whilst the partner can? Accepting some hard truths is perhaps the beginning of our healing. We live in a patriarchal world and new religion, where men and their ancestors are the only ones who are acknowledged as governers of imisamo, where men fail even to mention their wives surnames and acknowledge their abakhwe ancestors on their shrines during rituals 🤔🙄 In our anger as feminists, we argue that in the older days when oMkhulu were in the mines or lost somewhere in the deceptive activities of their infidelity, it was ogogo – the great matriarch of any family – who would go emsamo to plea for children, calling out even their own gogos apart from those of their marital family!!! However when the relationship has gone sour, the man wants you nowhere near “his guides” or emsamo wakubo. Look, we will discuss the defeating politics of patriarchy namathongo another day.

For now, pick your stage. Emsamo or entabeni, and go plea kwabadala to bring peace as you exit your normal, to an uncertain path.

It is important to consult a reputable healer, who knows the healing modalities to employ as you’d need to perform a ritualistic act to report and break a soul tie.

I for one use a fire ritual for this, which might involve a breakup letter, water, phahla aids (snuff, traditional beer, maize meal, impepho, crystals, depending on the person’s ethnicity), plus an incarnation to break the love bond. Most people are unaware that even when you’re unmarried, the partners ancestor spirits might bind themselves to you if they like you and might resist to leave you alone after a breakup. Hence why you should attend to them first.

The incantation involves presenting yourself, mentioning who you are, that you are here to break a love bond, staying the reasons for the breakup and asking that all spirits attached to your partners bloodline, including his or her own energy, to relinquish you from their hold.

2. CLEANSE /GEZA
Visit a river and cleanse yourself after a breakup. Again, consult a healer who is well experienced in warding off energies, because you’ll need some energy cleaning medicines and oils. Go to a river, lake or any body of water and wash off your ex’s aura.

We thread so much from our past relationships, and you don’t want a persons baggage crippling you as your pick up the pieces of your life.

A strange example as a case study …

A woman dates a man who had a previous girlfriend or wife who aborted a baby. Now, this new woman has never fallen pregnant, but everytime they consult a healer for spiritual wisdom, they keep being told they have a child tethered to them. She disagrees with the healer, saying they’ve never borne a child. Only to find out that the boyfriend’s unborn child now considers this woman as it’s mother because she shares a bed with its father. Yeyi!!! Watch out!

3. RETREAT AND REFOCUS

Real healing is at this stage! All the above was about taking stock of what has happened and reporting to headquarters. But at this stage, it becomes an echoing hollow space, where you live so much in your head and heart, asking, WHAT NOW. I mean, it can either be a very negative time, where you sink into a depression, especially for women, who might have invested all their time into a man and ignored their own passion, goals and dreams in the process (this is where women empowerment classes really should be encouraged for every girl child because we can’t keep falling into this trap in 2020. Only our grandmothers should tell that life tale!). Or, it can be a positive reflection, meaning a process of self rediscovery. Here you can begin doing the chores, activities or hobbies you love best. Meet friends. I know I love to travel or take a writing retreat after a breakup. Whatever it is that reminds you that you are powerful, capable and determined, go for it!!! It will allow less time to think about broken things, but to invest this time to create new possibilities and seek new adventures and opportunities.

4. SUBMIT A NEW LOVE APPLICATION

This is my favorite part, and what I love to encourage patients to do. To avoid past mistakes!!!
When you think you’ve healed and are ready to start again, inform your guides. Only this time, ask them to be active in the selection process. Tell them the caliber of person you think you can build something sustainable with. Ask them if they agree and if not, to level with you with their opinion or selection and to substantiate it so that you understand. Yeyi, bayabuzwa abadala ukuze bakuchazele kahle. Best believe they will respond..

Ask them to give you sign of those who are on your propability path (because there are more than one person that you could gel with amongst the billion people we have in the world). So long as they won’t judge who you are, where you come from and what you’re about.

I’ve found that some of the patients who consult me about their broken relationships got into them wrongly to begin with. It’s like saying you’re a hard core traditionalist, yet when you marry you pick a pentacostal born-again lover. That is a recipe for disaster from the onset. How do you partner up with someone who demonizes your your guides and condemns your spirituality, and vice versa. You can’t be condemning a Christian or Muslim ube wamthatha umazi. Let’s stop the hostility people. Be honest about your situation, and choose someone who has the same spiritual ideological standpoint.

For those working mediums, claivoyants, herbalists, and all kinds of healers… Your love story is, well, extraordinary as you are!!! And that is a story for another day over umqombothi, ugwayi wogogo, and a great bargaining application 🤣👏

Signing out, as I pray for the one I cannot live without too. Ku rough macala onke 🤣

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